|
|
|
Ever wish you were a super hero?? Here is a test to see if you would make the grade!
Congratulations!
Thank you for sending away for your own Personal Home SuperVigilante Test! You hold in your hands the key to joining one of the most exciting occupations available today. Mere decades ago, vigilantism was shunned as a vocational choice, barely mentioned by guidance counselors and recruiters. Today, thanks to the Vigilante Training Institute, this neglected art has become an established, accredited profession... And you can be a part of it!
You are mere seconds away (please allow 3,628,800 to 4,838,400 seconds for processing and reply) from helping the helpless and savagely beating the wicked! Simply fill out the test below and mail it back with the pre-designated tuition remuneration (US funds only). It`s just that simple!
1. Birth Name:____________________________________
(Please, no more than 5 middle names. Use additional space on back, if necessary.)
2. Aliases: ____________________________________
2a. Pseudonyms: ____________________________________
2b. Nom de plumes: ____________________________________
2c. Assumed names: ____________________________________
3. Fortunes to which you are an heir: ____________________________________
4. Date of Birth: __________________
4a. Date of Death(s): __________________
4b. Date of Resurrection(s): __________________
5. Location of Birth: __________________
(If not "Earth", please give approximate celestial and/or dimensional coordinates.)
1. Are you an orphan?
2. Are you willing to become one?
3. Are you now or have you ever been a sidekick? (If yes, please see attached "Sidekick Grandfather Clause" information sheet.)
4. You could best be described as...
a. A brooding millionaire..
b. A disaffected loner bent on vengeance.
c. A driven activist set on changing the world.
d. A ward.
e. A fat virgin living in his parent`s basement.
III. Medical Data
1. Have you ever had an allergic reaction to:
a. Adamantium?
b. Spandex?
c. Kryptonite?
d. The Super-Soldier Serum?
e. Cesar Romero?
2. Have you ever had or been diagnosed with any of the following phobias?
a. Achluophobia (Fear of darkness)
b. Catapedaphobia (Fear of jumping from high and low places)
c. Soceratychithanatophobia (Fear of never being able to avenge your parent`s death)
d. Chiropteravesticholeraphobia (Fear of dressing up like a bat and hitting people)
3. Which best describes your sleeping habits?
a. 8 hours a night.
b. Cat naps taken between training regimens
c. Evil never rests, so neither do I!
d. Once-a-month comedowns when the speed wears off.
4. How much can you bench press
4a. ...with your mind?
4b. ...with other parts of your body?
4c. Which parts?
4d. Can we watch?
1. Your current companion is:
a. Suspicious platonic friend of the opposite sex
b. The latest in a string of gorgeous, easily-kidnapped women
c. A 13-year-old boy
d. An 80-year-old woman with a heart condition
2. The best way to disarm a terrorist with a hostage is:
a. Negotiate a peaceful settlement.
b. Tell his mother.
c. Shoot the hostage.
d. With a flamethrower.
e. Shoot his mother with a flamethrower.
3. Which of the following animals do you believe would most strike fear into the hearts of criminals if you were to dress up like it?
a. Bunny Rabbit
b. Humpbacked Whale
c. Pit Bull
d. Kathie Lee Gifford
4. Your ideal arch-nemesis would be:
a. A demonic clown with a propensity towards explosives
b. A sadistic crime-syndicate boss with a disfiguring facial scar
c. An evil scientist who commands an army of undead clones
d. That guy from "Frasier"
5. Your gimmick is...
a. A belt filled with next-generation crime-fighting technology
b. The ability to move undetected in the shadows.
c. A deadly mastery of all known martial arts.
d. Rollerskates and really nice abs.
e. Nipples!
6. Your deepest, darkest secret is:
a. You fear that you will never be able to stop all the evil in the world.
b. Your twin brother may come back from the dead to haunt you.
c. You never really liked your parents that much.
d. You`re wearing panties.
7. When an emergency arises, which of the following excuses to your dinner companions works best?
a. (Look at your beeper.) "Uh-oh... Looks like the wife`s ovulating."
b. "Drat! I have left my wallet in my car. In Wisconsin. NORTH Wisconsin. Almost Canada, really."
c. (Crying) "You, all right! I learned it by watching you!"
d. "Code Brown! Code Brown!"
8. Your preferred nickname would be...
a. The World`s Greatest Investigator
b. The Death Who Walks At Night
c. Crime`s Foremost Enemy
d. The Country`s Best Yogurt
T/F: I like to hit things.
T/F: I can light the world up with my smile.
T/F: You wouldn`t like me when I`m angry.
T/F: All the world is waiting on me, and the power I possess.
T/F: Look at what`s happened to me. I can`t believe it myself.
Thanks to The Mystic Goat for sending this one in!